I'm back . . . well for now!

Oh my word. It has been far too long since  last sat down and wrote my thoughts out in blog form. I've been so lazy that all my rants and or opinions are voiced to the world through twitter or facebook and somewhere through all of the word I loose myself. So today I am back. Not for anyone else, not to rant or voice opinions for approval or debate, I'm here simply me just chatting with the page. No discussion needed. Just an outlet I believe you sometimes need when things all seem to be passing so fast. I need to capture my memories in more ways than just photos. Photos may be worth a thousand words but are they words necessarily the words I want to remember. The feelings or thoughts that ran through my head in that second. Other outlets are needed and that is one reason why I suppose I find myself back to my old ways writing it all out on here. That and the pickle of life that has been my brain this weekend.

This blog has always been a wee bit of fun like an online diary I can keep but I haven't used it much since my time in school. I think my reason for returning is that I feel like I was back in school over the weekend. It was CGs 21st birthday party.

One of my best friends from school . . . .to be more precise, my ex's best friends was the party that I had been invited to. It was made clear to me that I was more than welcome and that I was wanted there. CG had said to me many times that it didn't matter what had happened in the past or what some of the other guys thought of me because me and him had always got on well and he thought I was an amazing lassie so of course he wanted me at his 21st. What could I say. It's not like I could say no I'm not going my ex will be there, that's a bit pathetic seeing as I had been invited personally so I thought just go, suck it up and smile. To be honest it wasn't as if SP was going to approach me anyway. It was just a scary thought to be in his company again having not seen or spoke to one another in almost two years. It's strange considering how close we used to be but break ups and heartbreak happen and alot of the time the fact if the matter is that the involved parties aren't ever going to make it as even friends. I get that and I'm happy with that why cause more stress by being in each others life when we could just cut all contact and save a bit of grief.
SP is now happy with his new girlfriend SA of a year and a half and I couldn't be happier for them both. He deserves to be happy and I'm so glad that he is. Because of this I thought this party would be fine. I get along with SA as we went to school together and were in each others advanced higher English class there is no reason for us not to get along. People ask me if I hate her and it's like "really, just because she's with my ex isn't a reason to hate the lassie, I actually think she's amazing because she is making SP happy" I really am glad he is happy and has moved on with someone else. It means we can all get on with our lives knowing any feelings that there ever were are long gone, which honestly suits me just fine!
This was a tiny worry, however, the thought of his parents being there was a different matter. NP hates me. Fair dos I will always be the bitch who broke her wee laddies heart I get that but it's still intimidating. Himself combined with his mother, dad and brother were sure to make for an awkward night with the odd dirty look across the dance floor. It was just a horrible thought. Who wants to put them self back in the same room as their ex and his whole family. That's right no one in their right mind would ever willingly do such a thing. BUT CG had asked and as his friend I was always going to go as I wouldn't miss it for anything (despite how tempting anything would have been)

So I arrived at the party with a wee bit of the fear in my head but I just had to keep telling myself I'm there for CG and nobody else can change that. I walked in and panicked for what felt like an eternity as I scanned the room looking for CG. I felt like a rabbit in the headlights. All was good I found him got a huge hug and handed him his oversized pressie. Then me and PM made our way across the dancefloor to sit down.

Everything went fine. His parents weren't there so I felt a lot more comfortable. SP as per usual refused point blank to look at me. Tried to take a photo of him and the guys, someone puts his arm around him to smile SP removes it turns his back and walks swiftly off. Oh well. I thought things might have been a wee bit different now but he still can't look at me. I don't care I just wish he'd at least look at me for the sake of those around us who look at me and go "oh are you alright?" yes I'm okay but I would prefer if our ancient break up wouldn't make people feel awkward two years and a half on! That's all. I'm happy for you and SA, you are happy with her and she with you, surely you can see that we're better off apart, we can and have moved on. Why is it still so difficult for you to even look at me. A question I will never know and never need to.

It was just so weird, I felt like we had stepped into the past. Old boyfriends old friends. I'm so glad to have moved from that era of life even though it was nice to visit it for one night only.

The rest of the weekend was not too bad not much more for me to speak about but I'm sure I'll catch you up soon. Sorry for ranting. Much love!
Byebye blogface!